Friday, December 28, 2018
Facing Parenthood Takes True Grit
Both
of my children are now driving cars. It hardly seems possible. As they leave
the house each morning I think back to those infant years. It all goes so fast
but I still remember those pivotal moments with life.
For
example, when my son was still a newborn, there was that situation that has
become known in our family as the “incident.”
I
recall the story as follows.
The cries of an infant
awakened me. I immediately slipped into protector mode. I donned my safety
equipment and lumbered down the hall. There was no time to wipe the sleep from
my eyes. I recognized the cry, and I knew the situation from my training.
Opening the door to my son’s
circus themed room I could smell the danger. I slid the safety goggles over my
eyes and pulled on the latex gloves. I straightened my plastic body apron and
gently positioned the clothespin over my nose. My son was in trouble, and I was
ready to help.
I felt like I was entering a
combat zone. I confidentially walked to the crib, lifted my 10-day old out and
in one swift move, turned to the changing table. Unsnapping two buttons and
pulling on Velcro revealed the problem. My instincts had been correct. Off came
the diaper, out came the wipes, and then I was attacked!
This time, I was hit by
friendly fire. What seemed to be an air-activated gun began firing a yellow
liquid at me, first hitting my ear and the grazing my arm. I used the wipe to
cover and then ducked. This was the first of many brushes with danger during the
ever-changing experience of fatherhood.
One week in, I was finding
fatherhood to be life-changing. I was sleep deprived. I had not watched
television for days and my wife, and I were talking in high-pitched sing-song
voices.
From infant experiences to
the teenage years, I've put on many different uniforms to meet the challenges
of fatherhood. I have invested in the life of two children, raising them to
respect others, believe in themselves, serve their community and love God. I've
listened to them, gone to their events, coached teams, and taught driving. I've
looked danger - and hormonal teenagers -- in the eye and lived to tell about
it. That, my friend, takes true grit.
Cuba Experience Brings Lessons Home
My
wife Stacey, daughter Lauren and I visited Santiago and El Caney, Cuba the last
part of June on a 10-day mission trip. It was my first trip out of the United
States, and my wife’s third trip to Cuba.
The
experience was truly impactful for the Cubans we worked with and for us. We
went to encourage them but left being encouraged ourselves.
Stacey
and I went specifically to teach and lead a three-day marriage conference,
which ended with a service for the renewal of vows. We participated as part of
our 25th wedding anniversary. However, what was even greater to see
was the positive impact this made on 32 marriages and families.
While
not everything there can be duplicated here in western Greene County, or vice
versa, there are certain principles that we can learn and apply to us.
1. Grand
programs with hundreds of participants are sometimes an unnecessary burden. Relationships
are much more important and impactful.
2. Make
do with what you have; use what you have to reach the lost. This applies to
things in the home. I have never seen so many useful things made out of plastic
shopping bags!
3. We
Americans overemphasize material wealth. It is not our money that saves us! In
some situations, it may be our money that condemns us. Cubans look north to the
United States and their friends or relatives that live there and think they see
the answers to their problems but the truth is the answers lie elsewhere. The
answers cannot be found in American dollars.
4. Never
give up. The pastor in El Caney prayed 10 years for an American church to
partner with his church. He never gave up on his prayer.
5. There
is a strong sense of family and volunteerism in Cuba but it means something
different to them. They cannot just pick up paintbrushes and go paint someone’s
house. When they do civic work, it is always sponsored by the government (every
18-year-old does two years of civic work or serves in the military). Any extra
time is spent supporting extended family or, in the case of what we saw, church
family. That is where true volunteerism occurs in this culture.
6.
Despite a rainbow of skin colors these people all get along and are, first and
foremost, Cubans. Seems to be no identity politics here.
7. Lessons
in health and nutrition: drink coffee and visit after every meal, have fresh
juice more often, walk places when you can, wait until tomorrow on things of
less importance.
8. From
what we saw, Cubans are poor but they are not dirty; they put effort in to
looking their best for church and being clean. It proves that being poor is no reason
to not respect yourself!
9.
You can be poor and overworked and still be happy and kind and welcoming.
While
I am thankful to be home where I can flush a toilet, drink water from the
faucet, go to a store and find what I need and enjoy air conditioning, I do
miss the warmth and kindness extended to us by the people in Cuba. These are
people that we now call friends.
In
summary, it was one of the best experiences of my life! If you would like to
know more, my wife and I are happy to speak to community groups, churches or
other organizations interested in what is happening in Cuba.
Who Has the Better Haircut: Me or My Dog?
Once
every five weeks I take our family dog Otis to the Mutt Hutt in Republic for
his grooming. Sarah, the owner, does a great job. Otis always comes back
looking great, smelling better, and in a good mood after playing with the other
dogs.
Dog
grooming can’t be rather expensive, but I’m told that the clients don’t always sit
still. And there is also barking involved, and
client snacks and an occasional potty clean
up when the clients get to playing too hard!
The
day after his grooming Sarah always puts pictures of her clients to Facebook. Otis always gets
several dozen likes and a few comments regarding his appearance. At home, the rest of the family members make a
fuss over him. They even tell him he looks great.
Now
contrast this to my own experience after
a visit to Angie at NeNe’s in Republic. Every five weeks, I sit patiently in
the chair, I never make a mess, and Angie never has to give me treats!.But, I do leave happy.
Ironically,
when I post pictures of myself with a new haircut,
I get no notice. No one comments about me being a doll, adorable, or even
clean! At home, my haircut normally goes
unnoticed.
I
don’t think this discrepancy has anything to do with the skill of the people
doing the work. Sarah at the Matt Hutt and
Angie at NeNe’s both provide excellent service at a great price.
I
could take it personally and say that
people love my dog more than they love me. But I know that is not true. It all
probably says a lot more about how we Americans now feel about our pets.
Since
the 1970s, Dennis Prager (a columnist, educator, and creator of PragerU) has been asking students if they would
first try to save their drowning dog or a drowning stranger. For 40 years, he
has received the same results: “one-third vote for their dog, one-third for the
stranger, and one-third don’t know what they would do.”
Prager
adds that recently the poll has begun to shift in favor of the dog and he finds
that alarming. What we have in this poll is the classic tension between
feelings and values.
All of us feel more for a being we love than for a being we do not
know, let alone love. Therefore something must supersede our feelings -- that
something must be values.
But these values must be perceived as emanating from something higher
than our opinions.
I
take a lot of teasing about how often I post on social media about my dog. I’m
not ashamed to admit that we do baby and pamper the little fellow.
But
at the end of the day, he is a dog. While
many of us can love our four-legged companion’s,
I do hope that as a society we remind ourselves that there are some supremely
important differences between a human and a dog. Those differences are much greater than simply the price of our
haircuts.
I'd Rather Be Practicing My Little Swing
Summer is a wonderful
occasion but it is not without its downsides. One of the negatives from my
personal perspective is that warm weather means golfers will be out swinging at
tiny white balls and chasing them across acres of valuable land.
In my neighborhood, I will start
seeing these golfers loading their bags into the trunks of their cars at 6
a.m., hands trembling from half-dozen cups of coffee, eyes red from waking at
such an early hour.
Off they will go for another
relaxing day on the golf course, only to return pale and shaken, swigging from
bottles of Mylanta, after their scores ballooned out of control and their blood
pressure with it.
I realize this commentary is
likely to provoke a rash of vicious letters from golfers who will grab a stubby
No. 2 pencil from their golf bags and scrawl, "What do you know about
golf? You probably have never even played the game!" That is not, however,
true. I distinctly remember the first time I played golf. I took a 23 on the
first hole.
See, there was this creek in
the middle of the fairway, which struck me as kind of an odd place for a body
of water. Anyway, I kept plunking ball after ball into this creek. Finally, I
huddled with the other members of my college-aged foursome.
"Men," I said.
"Let me be brutally honest here. There are only 10 or 12 hours of daylight
left, at which point I'll probably still be out her trying to clear this creek.
So, how about letting me throw the ball the rest of the way?"
Everyone agreed that would be
the way to go since there was a crowd of golfers directly behind us whining
about not being able to tee off. Anyway, things did improve a great deal over
the next 17 holes. I finished with, I don't know, a 219 or something. So, don't
tell me about suffering.
The sad thing about golfers
is that they are not content to simply play their game and be done. Instead,
they insist on recounting, in detail, every single moment of their round. I
don't know if you've ever sat and listened to a golfer drone on about his
approach to a dogleg left, but it is an unsettling experience.
I have been at parties and
actually dozed off during heated discussions about the Maxifly DT ball, only to
be awakened with one elbow in the punch blow.
There is one more thing that
captivates me about golf: the imaginary little swing golfers like to take. A
friend of mind used to demonstrate his golf swing in all types of settings.
You'd be in the middle of a conversation with him when, out of the blue, he'd
take this imaginary golf swing.
To my knowledge, only golfers
display this sort of bizarre behavior. If you are talking to a softball player,
he will not suddenly take an imaginary throw from the catcher and make a
sweeping tag of second base. A tennis player won't suddenly pause in
mid-conversation and toss an imaginary ball in the air and pretend to serve.
But golfers take imaginary
swings at the ball all of the time. I'll tell you, instead of worrying about
their grip and back swing, they need to worry about that little swing.
Friday, December 21, 2018
Are you Crazy Busy? Eliminating Pride and Setting Priorities are Key to Regaining Joy (and Sanity)
“Hello, I am
busy.” That has nearly become the standard greeting in the United States of
America.
But there is an answer that brings
improvement and it is not simply better
“time management” according to David Burton, county engagement specialist in
community economic development with University of Missouri Extension.
“The
truth is, most people feel frazzled and
overwhelmed much of the time. We're distracted and preoccupied in the same
sorts of ways--struggling under the weight of work, family, exercise, bills,
church, school, friends, and a barrage of requests, demands, and desires,” said
Burton. “It's safe to say that on a typical day for most of us, our
responsibilities, requirements, and ambitions add up to more than we can
handle.”
Burton
says that after having a frantic 2018, he
has been thinking about New Year’s resolutions. Someone suggested he read the
book “Crazy Busy” by Kevin DeYoung, and the book hit a nerve.
“The
biggest dangers arising from this hectic and frustrating modern life are not
what we might expect,” said Burton. “An immediate and obvious threat is that
busyness can ruin our joy. When we're frantic and frenzied, we're more prone to
anxiety, resentment, impatience, and irritability.”
According
to the book, Burton says our chaos of busyness is at least partly self-created.
Often pride is a factor.
“We
are busy because we try to do too many things. We do too many things because we
say yes to too many people. We say yes because we want these people to like us
and pat our back; we fear their disapproval,” said Burton.
Busyness
also springs from such prideful factors as our tendency to overestimate our
importance, our ambition to prove ourselves, or poor planning resulting from
our refusal to seek help.
How
can we tell when pride has made us frantic and overwhelmed? Here's a
self-diagnostic question you may find helpful: Am I trying to do good--or to
make myself look good?
If
that question hits you hard, it make be
time to change some priorities. That can alter the way we parent, what we do
with electronic devices, and how we approach rest according to Burton.
“We
are supposed to be busy but in the right way. The antidote to over-busyness
isn't sloth and indifference. It isn't work
itself that's bad busyness, but working hard at the wrong things: trying to
please or control others, trying to do things we haven't been called to do,”
said Burton.
An
important part of the change is taking a hard look at priorities according to
Burton.
Days
are busy and times are tough. That means setting priorities in our personal and
professional lives is more important now than ever before.
“I
didn’t always appreciate the need for setting priorities in life but it is something I’ve come to appreciate
since having children,” said Burton. “I’ve got lots of different interests and
a very long bucket list. I also have a hard time saying no. That isn’t a good
combination.”
However,
being stretched too thin makes it impossible to do great work in core areas.
“After
deciding your priorities decide what you need to
meet them. If your priority is time, then you need to protect some of yours,”
said Burton. “Our challenge is to find the balance we each need for meeting our
priorities.”
Then
get some rest. Burton suggests taking at least one day per week to rest or do
something that rejuvenates you.
For
more information, contact David Burton by email at burtond@missouri.edu
###
Never "Just Settle" When It Comes to God's Kingdom
I
listened to a three-minute podcast recently that was posted by Hosea Bilyeu. It was out of
Genesis 11. He talked about how in that story, Tara moves his family – which
includes Lot and Abram -- out of Ur with the intention of going to Canaan. But
they stopped enroute at Harran. Then Hosea
uses this phrase: “settled for something
less than what God had intended.”
That
just reminded me that during 2018, God impressed that phrase – do not settle – on me. I
think It has many applications in our life and the life of our church. Let us
never settle for less than what God has in store for us. There are great days
ahead and may we never be willing to “just
settle” on things regarding his kingdom.
