Thursday, November 11, 2021
Hospital & Bereavement Ministry: Things I Have Learned Through the Years
By Bob Coleman
When David asked me to share a few insights concerning hospital and bereavement care, I was delighted to do so. While often tough and painful ministries, hospital and bereavement care is equally rewarding, personally. To be able to assist hurting individuals and families during these inevitable and painful phases of life, is a blessing.
In Matthew we read:
“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothed you?
And when did we see you sick or in prison, and visited you?” Matthew 25:35-40
Honestly folks? Hospital and Bereavement Ministry is not for everyone, but it could be. It is a rewarding ministry to love on those who are hurting, who are dying, or dealing with the loss or sickness of a loved one.
Now, with this thought in mind, and from an extensive history of visiting hospitals and home bedsides, here are just a few things I have learned over many years.
When going to the hospital to visit a church member or maybe a family member of a fellow church member, check ahead to determine if the individual is still there, moved, or sent home. Check on their status before going, so as to know what direction your visit will assume. Most of the time, you can call ahead to the church to get a brief enlightenment of the individual’s status. When making a hospital visit, one doesn’t exactly know every time, what we will encounter when we walk into their room.
I remember once a couple years back, a visit of a member’s grandmother. She was in her late eighties. When I walked into the room, she was laying very close to her bed rail peeking through the bars. I immediately felt incredible empathy. I walked up to her bed, and knelt down eye level to her. She didn’t speak a word in the 20 minutes I was there. I told her who I was and that I wanted to share a couple songs, and a verse with her
I sang My Jesus I love Thee. Jesus Loves Me This I know. And one verse of There is coming a Day. She quietly laid there teary-eyed, holding my hand.
And I did the same. I learned along time ago. If our Lord who knows the outcome of every single solitary thing, was likewise touched by grief and cried; so can I, and so can you.
In both hospital and especially bereavement ministries, one must allow themselves to be touched by another’s grief, but not overcome by their grief. Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I am a bit of a cut up, a prankster, and fun loving person. But these same people know that I am soft hearted and bereavement care is very dear to my heart.
During my years of ministering to the sick, the in-firmed, and the dying, a couple truths have been a constant reality. (1) Bereavement Care is never easy, and (2) while sometimes painful, composure, while important, isn’t as important as being genuine. Even our Lord was touched by grief at Lazarus’ tomb. So…… Be genuine.
Through my years of ministry, I have been well acquainted with grief, death, and dying. In a two year span while Pastoring in Dalton, GA alone; I buried fourteen people. It is never easy to bury anyone, and it is a very painful duty of ministry to bury someone you love and treasure. Here in Springfield, I have thus far buried seven people. Burying Jerry Hall a few years ago was one of the hardest things not only in ministry, but in life I have ever had to do. Jerry was my dearest friend.
You will have to be prepared to go into a hospital room where someone is unsure what will happen to them. Or to lay someone to rest. I have been asked before, How do you prepare to bury someone? I answered with this thought. One doesn’t prepare to bury anyone. One must BE PREPARED to bury someone. Prayed up. Read up. And Composed.
How do I prepare for Bereavement Ministry? I read God’s Word. I pray for the family. I pray with the family, especially the closest to the deceased.
Ladies, it is okay to hold a grieving woman’s hand or touch her back. If you know her.
Men, quiet strength and sometimes a hand on the back or arm of a friend, is warranted and needed. However, male or female; never presume to be automatically close to an individual during this troublesome time, if you haven’t already been.
Only Time and the Holy Spirit can heal the wounds of losing a loved one; especially a wife, a husband, a child. Not my wisdom nor your wisdom will get a grieving person through this time. In this situation, when it comes to talking; less is usually best. Let the family member talk. Talking is good for them. Remember. Hurting people usually do not know or consider how they are supposed to act. Give them space and Give them grace.
The greatest information YOU need to understand afore hand is: Am I the correct person to offer physical condolences? If we haven’t been close to an individual before they lost a loved one; we very well may not be the person to console this person when they do lose their loved one. Do not be offended or feel as though you haven’t “helped the individual.”
Most times people just need the time and space to say their goodbye, to reconcile in their own heart too… and with… their deceased loved one.
Sometimes there will be a need to instill comfort, and their is no greater source of comfort than a listening ear.
The bereaved are mourning, searching, and questioning.
However, the bereaved are not seeking or ready for a short sermon. These times of ministry are not times for quips, like:
“You’ll get through this.” “You’ll be alright.” or “He or She is in a better place.”
The bereaved know these things.
Quiet strength and solidarity is what the bereaved need and probably seeking; even if they aren’t aware of it at the moment.
Men, Just standing quietly beside a mourning father, a husband, a brother instills a strength that is needed.
Ladies, quietly holding a hand, touching a back gives strength to a grieving wife, mother, or daughter.
What is rarely appropriate if one hasn’t been close to the bereaved, is to run up to them and start hugging them tight. The bereaved will almost without hesitation reach for you, if they feel a need of your comfort. If a grieving person does walk up to you and put their head on you or hug you; stand there in quiet strength, and give them all the time and grace they seek and need of you.
Most every bereaved individual have some thought to how the funeral should be conducted. Will it be somber? Quiet? Reserved? Will it be a home-going atmosphere; with lively music? Will it be quiet and reserved.
Assuming is never appropriate. Ask the closest bereaved or the person set in charged for the closest bereaved.
If you are one who is in a place of leadership during this time, insure all documents are signed. The particulars are cared for. Will their be music?
A soloist? A special music lineup? Dinner prepared, and where? What is the address of the Funeral Home and the gravesite?
Be humble. Be flexible. A bereaving family need to be heard, yet need for the funeral to be well prepared and cared for.
In finishing these thoughts. Grief sharing and Death and dying are wonderful ministries for the right individuals, both men and women. And both are needed.
May the Lord bless you if you are lead into such a somber but soul-stirring and rewarding ministry.
